How im feeling...

Someone's gonna end up reading this or finding this at one point or another... so whatever.
I feel like shit. i feel like im always the bad guy. i feel like im fucking up a perfect relationship because i was gone for 10 days and my girlfriend and best friend became better friends too and im jealous. Its never happened before, im not used to it and i dont know how to feel about it. but i feel like im not allowed to question it or feel weird about it. that its not proper for me to do... i personally just feel like its weird, not that there's anything behind it. i mean, i truely believe that i dont deserve her, that im not good enough for her. i feel like hes not either, but that he's much more what she would like... i dont feel like anyone would want me.. im not worth the effort, and im not a good enough person...
i feel like the world left me behind. I left for camp for 10 days and everything decided to go on without me. which it should, i just didnt think about it at all. My rooms been edited without my opinion, my relationship has taken an odd spin, but will be reaching 6 months in a day :) so happy about that...
shes perfect and im trash... she treats me like a jewel though. i wish to treat her like a queen but i dont know if im doing that... i dont know if im doing things right... i feel like any second she could just throw that ring at me and leave... just like in that dream i had... i dont watch what i say... i just be me :) she likes me for me... odd concept... :P